I sooo don't want to write this post.
I am a fraud. I have spent several days this week eating foods that are not healthy for me. I was down 28 pounds according to the weight loss place, and now I am only down 25.
I am not sure why I have fallen off the wagon this week. I certainly did TRY, but when temptation came my way, I totally, and without hesitation, gave in. I wanted to write a highly motivating and revealing post about how I figured everything out. But I can't because I didn't.
Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was feeling sooo skinny, but then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and noticed that I am still fat. Maybe it's because when one of my students asked me how much I lost and I told him, another student said, "Then why are you still chubby?" Maybe it's because i have been working my BUTT off to lose weight, but I am still fat. After all of that work. I. am. still. fat.
Ok, so i lost 25 pounds. That is 1/4 of the 100 pounds I need to lose. But I am still over 200 pounds. Maybe I am losing the heart and the resolve it takes to lose weight.
Recently, I told one of my counselors of my trouble passing up the delicious peanut M&M's that my secret pal gave me. He told me these words: "We can't help you." This made me cry. Why am I going to these people if they can't help me? Am I hopeless???
But then I thought about it and I think I know what he meant. My fancy diet place can't follow me around and slap my hand when I reach for the microwave popcorn. They can't be there to talk me out of eating that delicious peanut butter cookie. What they CAN do, is look at what I wrote on my food journal. They CAN give me ideas for making my diet easier and more convenient. They CAN help me see patterns and give me suggestions, they can even put me on an "Omit and Flush" designed to get rid of that occasional accidental bad choice. But, they just CAN'T do it for me. This is a cruel thing to learn. It broke my heart.
So now, it's time for me to quit putting faith in my fancy diet program, and start taking care of myself. They CAN'T do it for me, but I CAN. and I WILL. With their help and with God's help, I WILL.
Thanks for sticking with me. I will try not to be a fraud anymore.
Until next time!
Oh, Maria..... don't beat yourself up so. You are not a fraud. You are only human. Everyone that has ever been on a weight loss program has fallen off the wagon at least once... AT LEAST ONCE !! It happens and when it happens you pick yourself up and you start again. I have fallen off the wagon so many times. Too numerous to mention!! Even now I had good intentions of starting over but got sick.... so there's my excuse to not start again. I was doing so good for a long time and have let 20 lbs sneak back up on me! So now I have those 20lbs to lose again and still have the other 20 to 30 lbs I still want to lose.
ReplyDeleteYou can't beat yourself up like this and expect to win the battle! You will fall off the wagon. Everyone does. But you tell yourself you will pick yourself up and start again.
I understand the mind set..... you want all those pounds to melt away. That's me too but you know.... I didn't gain those lbs overnight and you didn't either. It's a lot easier to gain that weight than it is to lose it. Give yourself time and please don't beat yourself up so !!! And remember.... you are NOT a fraud !! You will win this battle !! :)
I agree with the first comment, Maria. Backtracking or falling off the wagon doesn't make you a fraud; it makes your weight loss journey realistic and most important, honest not fraudulent. Keep up the good work, Maria! You'll get there!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ginny and Tessa!! I am back on the wagon. It sure helps to have encouragement from you. :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you!!!!!!!!!
I am sure I will have many ups and downs along the way. I will just keep blogging the truth as I know it. Thanks, again!!